In other personal news, I officially took the *other* job, the one that affords me a vibrant personal life instead of a vibrant, personal headache.
Sometimes I imagine that Oprah is interviewing me a year from now. There's a big "before & after" photo of me on the back wall of the set. Note that in my fantasy my "before" photo isn't terrible and my "after" photo is pretty hot.
The interview goes something like this:
Oprah: Hello! You look fabulous! Have a seat! ... So, our producers read your blog. What a harrowing journey to weight loss!
Me: Yes, it was. It was more like a full soul makeover. The 20 pound weight loss was more like a nice side effect.
Oprah: Ooh, I like that, "a full soul makeover". (Audience claps) So, what made you start this journey? When did you know you were in trouble?
Me: I knew I was in trouble when the scale tipped a certain number - 177, and the old ways of dieting and weight loss were not working anymore. I simply could not "just not eat as much". I would start to eat a few crackers or candies and suddenly I was trying to lick every last crumb in the bottom of the bag. And forget exercise. With two kids and a job, I no longer had the time or the kind of energy I used to have to aim all my energy at the problem.
Oprah: Oh, well we've all been there, haven't we? (audience laughs). So what did you do?
Me: I had started to see a therapist a few months before to figure out what to do about the empty feeling I had about my life and career. Things went very well for about 3 months. I was growing in other areas, and I got back in touch with my creative side. Then one day, during a session, a confession about all of my bad eating habits and binge behaviors just came tumbling out of my mouth. My therapist and I both realized that *eating* was where I was hiding all of the stress, anger and sadness which normally didn't come out during our sessions. So I did some research and found Overeaters Anonymous.
Oprah: So how long had you been hiding your eating habits?
Me: About 8 years. I've always had unnatural behaviors around food, sweets in particular, but I could generally control my weight with periods of hyper-dieting and exercising. When I turned 40, none of that worked anymore. Then, a lot of stressful life events just started piling on.
Oprah: Like what things?
Me: My grandmother died. That was very difficult, because she offered me unconditional love. Then, I had a baby. As all new moms know, this is wonderful but it's an earthquake to both your body and your lifestyle. I felt stressed to be a perfect parent. Then, my husband and I made a big move, mostly for the sake of my career, and that move was stressful in many, many ways. I kept thinking that the babies and the career moves with "fix" everything, but they didn't. My job was high stress, and the stress I put on myself to be a perfect mother was just too much. I just ate the stress away, mostly at night after everyone was in bed.
Oprah: Oh yes. With me, it was shopping, too. Sometimes I just shop to make myself feel better.
Me: Me too!
Oprah: Cute shoes, by the way!
Me: Thank you! Yours, too!
Oprah: Thank you. So, if people are listening who feel stuck in the way that you were, what do you want everyone to know?
Me: Theyy might benefit from an honest examination of their eating habits. If you're hiding food or wrappers, or if you make specific trip to get specific foods, or if you eat to the point of feeling numb, your issue is probably not something that diet and exercise can address long-term. If, on a regular basis, you treat food as something other than nourishment for your body, then give yourself the gift of a potentially life-changing insight and consider an inner fix to food problems, instead of failing at dieting once again. Failing a dieting just makes the cycle worse.
Oprah: And you are living proof of that change, aren't you?
Me: It's still a struggle, some days are better than others, but over all I am calmer, happier, and I live in the moment more often. And I live in the moment in my skinny jeans, which is nice.
Oprah: Well thank you for joining us today. We want to tell everyone that if this sounds like your life, you might consider joining Overeaters Anonymous. They have phone meetings if you just don't want to go somewhere and see someone, and they have online meetings, too.
Me: My pleasure.
Oprah: We also want to thank you for coming on the show by giving you your very own pair of these shoes (points to her shoes), just for you, as a gift for coming on the show. Also, Sting is here to congratulate you in person.
Me: Squee!
Okay. Now I've done my Oprah interview, and least in my imagination. I think I can move on now. :-)
-Overeater
PS: Also, my ex boyfriend is watching the show, except that his television doesn't get the "before" picture transmitted on his screen.
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