169.8 Walked a 5 mile trail this morning and made a big decision on the way.
I'm grateful and fortunate enough to have 2 job opportunities at the moment. One is a high-paced, high visibility job with a team of people. The other is a research-oriented job with no glory and no team. This is a no brainer for a non-recovering me: obviously I will take the high paced, high visibility job. That is what I have done, that is what I will do, that is what got me this far. The old me would take that job and make it a success.
But the question is: at what price? The price of not living a 3-dimensional life. The price of binge eating to relieve the stress at night, and putting on more weight. The price of hurrying my boys from place to place all the time so I can make this meeting or that one. The price of staying up till one or two in the morning to make my work perfect.
So for the first time in my personal history, I will not take the career-enhancing path. I'm going to lay low for a while and take the research role. The cons of this are that maybe I don't get promoted. I am okay with that; I am paid fairly for what I do and I already feel professionally successful. I have nothing more to prove in the "title and money" regard. It's just that I'm not used to laying low in a job. I don't know whether I am capable of not putting everything I have into such a job. I'll have to turn this over to a higher power.
There are moments when I can't believe I'm not going to take that other job. It's just so not me. And I'm still waffling, truth be known. But the way I am living now isn't working for anyone but my employer. It's not working for me, or for my husband and sons. I think that life could be better, easier, fuller. So, regardless of this free-falling fear I have about the consequences of this decision, I'm going to do it.
So for the first time in my personal history, I will not take the career-enhancing path. I'm going to lay low for a while and take the research role. The cons of this are that maybe I don't get promoted. I am okay with that; I am paid fairly for what I do and I already feel professionally successful. I have nothing more to prove in the "title and money" regard. It's just that I'm not used to laying low in a job. I don't know whether I am capable of not putting everything I have into such a job. I'll have to turn this over to a higher power.
There are moments when I can't believe I'm not going to take that other job. It's just so not me. And I'm still waffling, truth be known. But the way I am living now isn't working for anyone but my employer. It's not working for me, or for my husband and sons. I think that life could be better, easier, fuller. So, regardless of this free-falling fear I have about the consequences of this decision, I'm going to do it.
Good luck! That is a hard decision... but you have to go with what is best for you... and it sounds like you know what that is. Again... GOOD LUCK!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Melissa! It was challenging, but I did it. :-)
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