I've been thinking about reaching out and asking for help from others for about a month since attending OA meetings by phone, and last week's meeting in person. Actually connecting with someone who might be able to help when the compulsion hits will be essential for my reaching Step 2 of the program. I'm not used to asking for help, but I am powerless over food.
Attended a meeting in the morning yesterday and actually made a food plan for the entire day, which was extremely helpful. Slipped a little yesterday because we had planned to make gingerbread cookies with my sons, which was a mistake. It was kind of like an alcoholic taking her family to a bar to eat dinner, thinking "I'm doing fine. I won't need a drink." I was good at abstaining from eating the dough for about 1 hour, but then I let go. Thank goodness it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but to be rigorously honest, I knew exactly what I was doing when I did it. It was just too damn hard to restrain, and it really felt good when I ate it. It was like the beast was satisfied. Aside from that, I did well for the rest of the evening, as evidenced by my continued weight loss.
I hate thinking about food all day long. Even though I did well yesterday, I did well by replacing most of my between meals snacking with fruit and water, so the effect is that I was still eating for most of the day. I wish I had something better to replace this compulsion with. I wish I never thought about food except for energy and nourishment for my body. What will I replace this space with?
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